Poem | The Box


Do you ever see me peeping through the holes?
the holes I made in the walls of my box
the box that I mistake for a home
I only see through those holes
because I’m not ready for the world
I can’t see the things I can’t have
I can’t expand my horizons because I haven’t ever seen any
I don’t put my ear next to the holes
because how can I ever listen to you
when I only assume your words
your thoughts.

So I just look at people living and live through them
and when there is no one to watch
I don’t know what to do because I don’t have to fit in anymore
so I assume what you must be doing
but when I can see you across the edge
I hope my eyes don’t meet you
and if they do, I act dead
because if you knew I survived
you won’t let me live.

When you come over from the other side
and peep through the holes from outside my box
I hide in the corner and cover my mouth
I can’t let you hear me breathing
because you’ll turn those holes into doors
and those walls into the world
because the sun will burn me
but you say you like my sunburnt complexion
and to save myself, I live under your shadow
so I let you believe I’m dead.

I let everyone believe I’m dead
because being dead sounds better than to be living like this
living off others

By the end of the day I go and open the dictionary
and look for words
words that I can know the meaning of but never feel
and I’m okay with it

It’s better to know the meaning before feeling it
because this time I won’t confuse love for fear
this time I will know what those complicated words mean
the words you describe your love with
and I’m trying real hard even if all you see is a box
so goodnight, I’m going to sleep now
because it’s okay if I take one more day
in the box which feels closer to home than anything else did.

Article contributed by:

Saumya Rastogi

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